Sunday, November 27, 2011

Fowl Play

A Thanksgiving parable

Every year around this time we start looking forward to the holiday season;

Family, food, and great craft beer…
Err, I added the craft beer part but then I’m sure the Native Americans & settlers had their own elixirs in their time of thanks as well, but I digress.
I was ultra-excited about the prospect of a four day holiday break which included time spent with the family, the aforementioned food, and a forecast of absolutely gorgeous fall weather.
What could be better?
Then it happened… *sniffle*…*cough*…*sniffle*…
And on the day before the Thanksgiving festivities I found myself at Patient First mingling with dozens of sickly folks.
For 3 Hours…
When it was all said and done I had 3 new prescriptions and was laid out in the bed until turkey time arrived.

But Murphy’s Law wasn’t done shaking his bare ass at our family holiday just yet…
This may sound exaggerated, but Thursday’s kitchen scene went something like this;
The Kitchen Aid mixer was a gift, an appliance of considerable stature and one in which Ash uses with great fervor to concoct culinary delights.
So you can imagine my dismay as Ash quipped that “it had stopped working” just as the motor began to make a “clackity” sound and refused to mix her homemade potato rolls.
As my compromised immune system tried to process this impending food folly another kitchen calamity began to unfold as the sink which houses the “insinkerator” waste disposal began to back up with a gurgling sound.
I took immediate action and flipped the switch to pulverize the food bits I had assumed were creating the back-up.
The disposal jumped to life spitting water out of the sink like one of those crazy red neck jet boats.
“Is it supposed to do that”? I said aloud knowing damn good and well that it wasn’t.
Within seconds I began to feel the sickening surge of water splashing onto my feet from under the counter.
What the hell?
“Ash… what did you put down the disposal”?

“Oh, nothing”….
“Oh, just some potato peels”
“Damn it women!!!”
Within minutes I was soaking wet and under the sink unscrewing plumbing work to locate what will forever be known as the “Thanksgiving day potato plug”.

Potato Plug Aftermath
Once the 6 inch potato plug was removed the water flowed freely and we were back in business.
That was the extent of my kitchen contributions.
Ash would carry the weight of hosting the feast at our home, but after several years of marriage she has developed broad shoulders and is a master of her cooking domain.

21 Pounds of Turkey deliciousness
With help from every member of the attending Thanksgiving family, she aced the dinner without back-up from her dude, (sans the plumbing) who was walking around dazed with cotton balls in his ears.

While I will admit that there are advantages to an ear infection that limits your ability to hear at family functions, it’s hard to have a meaningful conversation when everyone sounds like the grown- ups in a Charlie Brown cartoon.
And with food being the center piece of this particular holiday gathering, you can imagine my disappointment of having little to no sense of taste or smell.
Looks like those craft brews would have to wait…or maybe just one.
Thanksgiving was exactly as it should be, spent with family and giving thanks.

In the mist of the swirl of Thanksgiving preparation Ash had also found time to plot a backpacking trip to Shenandoah National Forest.
We would leave Friday morning, and return late Saturday, and we were both really excited about getting back into the woods.
But this was not to be as I am still fighting a major sinus infection as I type, with my equilibrium being a bit catawampus.
Ash never complained, not a word, she was content to hang out at home, and take care of her infirmed Boo.
And as I still struggle with losing a perfect weekend, she continues to counter with “let it go, there will be other weekends".
Sunday morning, the sun is out, it’s beautiful in the country, and I have spent quality time with my wife & family…
Being sick sucks, but there are always worse ills to be had, being thankful is what matters in both sickness & in health.