End of the world and nothing to wear?

So May 21, 2011 has been predicted to be the end of the world as we know it or “TEOTWAWKI” in common survivalist vernacular.

Those "in the know" have said the end will “begin” with a monster earthquake that will rumble through at 6:00pm sharp.

I’m not sure if the quake is supposed to occur on Eastern Standard Time, Mountain Standard Time, or Hawaii-Aleutian Standard Time, but I figured I would set all of my clocks at different times to ensure that I covered all of my disaster time zone bases. (As you can never be too prepared)

While I probably don’t fit the definition of the traditional survivalist, I do have a few “end times' nuggets of wisdom” for people who might not be as well versed or mentally prepared for such calamity.

I should first point out that my survival of the “Y2-K” end of the world scenario is my prerequisite resume to being considered an “expert” on this subject matter.

I also realize that people are looking for an all inclusive list of provisions and while it’s hard for someone of my knowledge base to cover every variable I made this easy to follow guide for what you will need MOST for the end of the world.

1) Contrary to conventional wisdom, dressing for the end times doesn’t need to be a stress filled endeavor.

I suggest something fun and flirty like this “Republic of Jamaica” island T-shirt made with 100% polyester. NOTE: Do not stand too close to lava flows, flame throwers, or open air fires with this piece as it’s all about end time fashion not function and it will shrink wrap the wearer at high temps.

I also prefer a nice pair of shorts over traditional Battle Dress Uniforms (BDUs) like these Patagonia “Thrift Store” shorts, which can be rocked from the golf course to the survival colony that gets established in upstate Vermont after the big shake.

As a side note; I suggest you throw in something camouflaged to complete your ensemble should you want to be taken seriously by other like minded survivalist.

2) You will need a gun…In fact you will need several guns, the more the better, if possible get 2 guns to shoot simultaneously which also builds “survival credo” with the rest of your group. It doesn’t matter if you hit anything; just make a lot of noise to scare off looters, zombies, Para- military wankers, and government troops.

3) Facebook is another must have during the end times as you will invariably build on your ever growing friends list (The amount of request will be predicated on the proximity to fault lines) "200 people like this".

4) A grill, because opossum road kill is always better cooked medium well.

5) Get your hands on as many Starbucks gift cards as possible as they will become the new form of global currency after the quake.

6) Last but certainly not least; pick up the newly released Blue Ray anthology of Star wars. (Chewbacca never gets old)

If it’s not on this list, then you don’t need it.

Cheers to the end of the world! and I will see you on Sunday…

Exit the Tiger

SO I missed this post by 2 days as we bid farewell to 2010 " The Year of the Tiger".

New Years rang in quietly at our household, the roll of the dice saw me on call for the end of the year.

2011 will put me at 4 years in my current position of my professional career that has spanned 13 years.

(That's 3 years longer than expected).

My first few months in the position were absolutely "trial by fire" as 2 of the people I dealt with both passed away in tragic events. One at the beginning of  their career, one near the end. Both as a result of the consequences of their individual actions.

Emotions can do some wicked things if you don't keep them in check,but they are also the first thing one remembers after an event, and what we base our reflections on at the end of a year.

How many times have you said to yourself after a significant event, "I remember feeling like..."

For instance;

-At my wedding; I felt that beyond a shadow of doubt I was making the right decision regardless of the turmoil that swirled in the background as is often the case when two families come together. (I remember this feeling like it was yesterday).

-When our Pitbull Blitzy passed away in 2010, and the horrible feelings I had of helplessness as we battled unsuccessfully with her cancer, and  the resolution of having to put her down.(I remember this even when I don't want to).   

-The reoccurring feeling of freedom and that "can't quite describe it" emotion you get when your rolling through the woods on a perfect trail with that perfect line and the residual effect of what we will do time and time again to reproduce those feelings that let us know were still alive. (I try to make more of these memories when I can).

Going into 2011 with an impending ankle surgery was the plan all along, but it doesn't remove the "feelings" of anxiousness that comes with it.

So I suppose my "New Years Resolution" for 2011 is to live in such a way that will cultivate as many memories of feeling "alive" as possible.

This sums it up....